The moment Rickard asked me if I wanna go to the gym with him and I’m sitting in my chair where I haven’t moved away from since I got back home and only watched series while scribbling on a piece of paper and I said “naaaahh I might get a glas of wine though,” I realized it’s one of those days. “Escaping reality day” (or by all means hours).
One of those days where you might have even been to school, to work or to the library (or not) , telling yourself hey I have done stuff today now I can go home and do whatever, even though you know you could take care of things you need to do, things to plan, things to read, friends to call you promised to call since many days, answer your mails or else. But the only thing you do is sit on the couch, bed or at your desk you check the pages you usually check, like facebook, your mails, maybe some news stuff, 9gag and so on. Then your mind reminds you hey maybe you should take care of some things or maybe you should work out, go grocery shopping because when you look into your fridge everyone knows immediately that you are a student…… Well, you tell your mind to f**** off and start watching series while simoustanly chatting with some friends or like me grabbing the next pen and piece of paper around and scribble around.
You find the most comfortable position on your chair/sofa/bed (when it comes to me it usually looks like I really really want every part of my body on this chair and really do not wanna touch the ground with my feet) and then you watch the first episode. Then another one. Then another one. Then you think okey one more but then I should maybe go to the kitchen or at least answer this one important mail. Maybe I should check my bank account since I kinda spent money on the weekend I don’t reaaaally have. Oh well no. Next episode.
While you watch this next episode you start doubting yourself a little bit. In my case because I am watching the second season of Gilmore Girls again (yes….. Gilmore Girls…….yes yes I know……..) I have seen all seasons at least twice already. Then I remember how I watched Gilmore Girls the first time at home in Germany on VOX in the afternoon, after school and I wanted to be like Rory. So much. She was so pretty and so god damn smart. I wanted to be that smart and I was wondering will I ever study at an University. So I guess at least this question is answered. I am studying. I am studying in the last semester at an University to hopefully soon get my Bachelor degree. Wow. Feels like yesterday that I watched Gilmore Girls in my Mums livingroom laying on the white carpet trying to convince my grumpy sweet cat to come over and cuddle.
Oh well. So I am sitting here watching Gilmore Girls, chatting with friends, listening to music and didn’t really change position since I got home a couple of hours ago. I probably should be okey, I studied for quite the while today, I was outside , I met a friend so one might think okey what does she wanna bring across?! Isn’t normal to get home and just relax. Yes it is. However what I am talking about is the “kind of relaxing.” It is different than coming home after a full exhausting day and laying down on the couch watching a movie because you deserve it. It is more a “I did spent some hours studying and I did meet a friend but now I am home and I could still do things and take care of things, think about things which should be thought about but I don’t.”
I binge watch series and chat with friends about really unimportant things. I do this since about three hours, however, I have done this other days for a whole day when reality was simply nothing I wanted to deal with and frankly I was way to lazy too. (One thing though, if you need one of these reality escaping days because someone in your life does not treat you the way you deserve (and you deserve to be treated well!) you should probably try to kick this person out of your life, he/she is not worth it that you waste your precious reality escaping days if you could use them for escaping important life decisions or university deadlines 😉 and you should have a look at the picture to the right )
I have heard from quite a few friends who do the same and so I think it might be a student thing. I mean obviously it is not a thing someone hard working would do, they would probably actually appreciate their free time or at least feel like they reaaaallyy deserve to be lazy now. Sometimes it is completely fine that one has those days, especially if you live in Sweden and it is winter. I mean hey, this greyness is truly not inspiring. If you study something like me (International Relations) in Sweden you have to do lots of work on your own, means you have to structure your time and have to set your priorities. Something what is sometimes very hard if you do have deadlines coming up but they are not that close. ‘Should I really start thinking about this paper/exam?’ Naah I still have a week or two. Was it a week or two?!! Maybe I should check. Oh look another episode of Gilmore Girls. Sweet. Shut up mind, I need to know why Lorely is in the end not marrying that guy.
Pathetic? Sad? Nah. I wouldn’t be that harsh. Rather escaping reality for a while. Because you can’t make up your mind if you already wanna be that mature, grown up person who takes everything overly serious. It is for sure nice to be not a teenager anymore but does it has to be already that proper grown up thing … ?! The first years of your twenties are funny and confusing. You can feel you are something like a grown up but yet when you look at other “real grown ups” people over, lets say 35, you don’t feel that you belong to that group really. Sometimes for sure. When you have to deal with your finances , pay your rent, buy food and what not. However in other cases you really wonder will I one day be that grown up like my parents who seem to be way better in dealing with every day life than you.
When I am like that, will I still use my laptop mousepad as a plate for my sandwich, when I am hungry and there is nothing really in the fridge will I still go for some olives and a spoon of peanut butter because the store is so far away and its cold outside, will I still go out in a bar and spend wwaaayyy too much money for way too sweet drinks even though I know I actually do not have that money, will I still tell myself after a weekend okey no alcohol for a while and then sit the next day with a glass of wine and write a blogpost about exactly that, will I still wait for deadlines to come really close to get started on work , will I still question my life and where I go all the time, will I still spend time out until 02.00 am being with friends even though I know that I have to wake up at 07.00 am, will I still bake blue colored waffles 04.00 am because I simply feel like it….. ?
Well, obviously some things will change but which ones and when? I don’t even know how I got to all this grown up stuff. I guess that’s what happens when you start thinking on a day where you actually should just watch series and eat junk food , or don’t eat because nothing in your fridge is attractive and you have that wine bottle which seems much more appealing.
I am not saying I have these days all the time. If everyday would look like this I would have a problem and maybe should really start thinking what to change and how to do that. I have those days or by all means hours or “half days” especially in winter and when there is actually lots to take care of what I don’t wanna deal with right now. Some days I just get my ass up and take care of stuff. Think about things which have to be thought about and go to the gym and be happy afterwards and feel good with myself.
I think these “escaping reality days or hours” everyone needs sometimes even though they actually should do or think about other things. It is just natural that one has more of those days when one is studying or only working sometimes (and when you live in Sweden and it’s winter!!).
I just wonder if everyone does that or if its just me and some friends I have heard talking about it. Sometimes I sit in class and hear some people talking about theories and other stuff I really (REALLY) should know about by now, but I don’t and they seem all sorted out and knowing. I wonder if those people have their escaping reality days as well or not. I guess everyone has some bad days but how many people binge watch one episode after another, drink a glass of wine instead of eating dinner, ignoring successfully all the thoughts in your head you actually should take care of. Maybe more than I think. Maybe less. Maybe people have other methods to escape their reality for a while.
Originally this should have been a funny and slightly ironic blog post and it kinda took a more serious turn than I intended to. I find it still a little ironic in a good way. I mean hey, I should take care of my Bachelor thesis idea, go to the gym, meet a friend I promised to see since so long and instead of doing that I watch the fourth episode of Gilmore Girls and honestly…. I don’t even feel too bad about it. One of these escaping reality days just motivated me to write this post , so sometimes those days even bring you something unexpected and fun !
Well, maybe I can anyways make my point with this post and make some people feel a little better if they have to deal with the same phenomenon 😉 I think everyone has their escaping reality days or hours and everyone has their methods and that is okey. That is very okey. Just take care so that it is not your whole life which looks like this. Then you will be fine. You will be fine anyway. If you feel bad right now, tell yourself it’s just a phase and it will pass. If you feel good right now or at least not particularly bad tell yourself hey great I don’t feel bad lets make this phase last as long as possible. And if binge watching series and drinking wine makes you happy today then do it. Fuck it ! Tomorrow is time to take care of things. You are not like this every day and therefore you will be fine !