To Marie

I came home at 06.30 am on this Sunday morning, 1. of June, after walking you home
I walked through the empty and already sunny Malmö, listening to music on your old ipod
It was a long time ago that I had such an amazing night out
Walking you home and having a good talk and many laughs just topped off this great night
In the evening you walked to my place , so it was just balanced that I walked you home this morning
Pretty much everything in our friendship is greatly balanced
This night we danced for hours, got free drinks without getting badly hit on, and shared many laughs
We didn’t dance together in a while, we should do that more often before you leave Sweden
You will leave Sweden soon, what an odd feeling
We see each other almost every day, if not even twice
Like yesterday, we met up in Simpan , you walked all the way there because you know I love this place, and we usually have great time there
You do many things I appreciate, and I hope you think it is like that the other way around as well
If something is bad you are always there to tell me everything gonna be alright, and I do the same for you
Or like we say: Alles wird gut.
When you leave in the middle of June I gonna feel a bit lost
But we have managed living in different countries before and I will visit you and you will visit me
Maybe one day we work together and make this world a better place (ha, now that sounds deep, doesn’t it ?)
One day I might start sharing your interest in the Caucasus Region and we will meet up somewhere there
One day you might miss Sweden so much that you come back , or not, we will figure something out
We always figure things out , one way or the other
This night I felt so full of joy and happiness, and you were the perfect person to share those feelings with
Do you remember that guy who was wearing sandals with socks ? I told you, no need to worry about looks when going to a party like this
You always look fine anyway, and yes I know, you don’t believe me when I say that but it’s a fact, live with it
I should be in bed by now so I will be refreshed later, so we can meet up again and prepare our Thesis Opposition Seminar on Monday
Crazy, on Monday everything gonna be over
Three years at Malmö University are coming to an end
We helped each other through the last two months writing on our theses (did you know this word is the plural of thesis? me neither, guess who used it wrongly in her thesis, yes, me)
Many hours spent together in both libraries, several cafés and at my place
Our brains sometimes felt like pudding, and our coffee consumption wasn’t always healthy anymore
And, we did it, we both did it
Only the opposition is left
After Monday the summer starts
Cheers to us!
All this makes me feel old sometimes, but hey we are actually super young
I am ~3.5 months older than you, old-young me
We gonna have a degree on Monday and you will move to Budapest and I will study in Lund
Yes, I stay in Sweden and you will leave, who would have thought that
Well, we did, it was clear that this is how it will be
Maybe we do an internship together in our choice semester while doing our Masters
Wouldn’t that be great, meeting up somewhere in the world, spending 6 Months together working
We should do that
I am drinking lots of water now, like you said we should after a night of dancing
After an awesome night of dancing, a really great night
Do I sound too deep, too girly? I hope not but even if, then you have a reason to mock me when we meet up later
When I look outside of my window I see over Malmö and think maaan, I should eat something
Ha, you didn’t expect that, didn’t you
We will make this first half of June awesome , I am sure about that
Let’s dance, let’s inline skate, let’s sit in the parks and meet up with other friends
Let’s enjoy the last weeks together in Sweden, and let’s tell each other everything gonna be fine like we always do
Let’s make fun of each other when we are once again acting so typical, suiting to our characters
Let’s promise each other we will skype more than we did when you were in Azerbaijan and I was in Israel
But hey, when we were in these countries we managed to be awesome friends anyway, even though we are lazy skypers
We will manage this time as well, but I have to admit, Rickard will have to listen to a lot of complaining about your absence
He will have to deal with it, he is used to me talking about you
It is 07.40 am now and I really should be in bed
Instead I am listening to Sonnentanz by Klang Karusell,feeling happy, tired and a little girly writing this for you
You are used to me being a bit girly sometimes
You are used to pretty much any mood I could possibly be in, and you never fail to put up with it
I am really thankful for that
I am really thankful that we met, that we studied together, and that we became such amazing friends
I hope we are still friends when we are really old, so we can sit together and laugh about the old times
Then my hair will be grey and maybe yours too, and I will finally not be the only one with some grey hair
Now hold on tight for the ultimate girlyness: You are like the sister I never had
Sounds strong huh? But it feels like it, so I say it
I will name my future minipig like you suggested: Carlos Bacon Mini Pig Petrak
That minipig will be amazing, it will not lose any hair and will love both of us
Now it is time to go to bed
Thank you for everything and I look forward to spend much more time with you in the future, no matter in which country

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A little poetry on a Sunday eve

I took some of my favourite quotes and mixed them together to a little poem. Turned out to be quite beautiful and suiting for many different situations one might face in life.
I hope you enjoy this little piece and stay tuned for future updates on my blog .

For a moment there, I saw an ounce of promise in you. But you weren’t strong enough to follow through on that. I just hope, for your sake that you one day find it again; that you manage to brush away the rubble in your head.

Sometimes something becomes too little or too much. Like a clock reappearing, the hands pointing the correct time but on the table the remains are lying. Like left-overs from a party. We tidy up. I tidy up, without flinching.

Now I’ve learned that some poems just don’t rhyme. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality.

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.

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Mahmoud Darwish

The last time I wrote about poetry was in June…Since then I mostly wrote about                                                                                   MahmoudDarwish    travelling but poetry is still a big part of my interest.
Today a friend I met in Ramallah posted a wonderful song about the poet Mahmoud Darwish which got me inspired to read about this person and his work. Here is the link to the wonderful song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn-vRMgRdDc

Mahmoud Darwish (13 March 1941 – 9 August 2008) was a Palestinian poet and author who won numerous awards for his literary output and was regarded as the Palestinian national poet. In his work, Palestine became a metaphor for the loss of Eden, birth and resurrection, and the anguish of dispossession and exile.He has been described as incarnating and reflecting “the tradition of the political poet in Islam, the man of action whose action is poetry. ( The Guardian, June 2002.)

I went through a few of his most famous pieces and found two poems I liked a lot and which I would like to share with you:

Don’t apologize for what you’ve done

Don’t apologize for what you’ve done – I’m saying this
in secret. I say to my personal other:
Here all of your memories are visible:
Midday ennui in a cat’s somnolence,
the cock’s comb,
a scent of sage,
mother’s coffee,
a straw mat with pillows,
the iron door to your room,
a fly buzzing around Socrates,
the cloud above Plato,
Diwan al-Hamasa,
father’s photograph,
Mu’jam al-Buldan,
Shakespeare,
your three brothers and three sisters,
your childhood friends –
and a klatch of meddlers:
‘Is that him?’
The witnesses disagree:
‘Maybe.’
‘It seems to be.’
I ask:
‘And who is he?’
I get no answer.
I whisper to my other:
‘Is he the one that was you… that was me?’
He looks away.
The witnesses turn to my mother to confirm
he is me and
she readies herself to sing
her unique song:
‘I’m the one who bore him,
but the wind brought him up.’
And I say to my other: ‘Don’t apologize, except to your mother.’

Mahmoud Darwish
A traveller

This road takes me; a horse guiding a horseman
A traveler like me cannot look back
I have walked far enough to know
where autumn begins:
there, behind the river,
the last pomegranates ripen
in an additional summer
and a beauty mark grows
in the seed of the apple
The road and I will sleep like partners
behind the river, beneath our shadows,
then rise at dawn and carry each other.
I will ask it: Why so fast?
Slow down, O horse saddled with seasons!
No matter how few our dreams
we will cross the desert and valleys
to reach the end at the beginning.
The beginning is behind us;
Before us, clouds bringing winter’s tidings.
I have walked far enough to know
where winter starts:
there, over the hill
a gazelle looks for a fawn under the clouds.
A hunter points his rifle;
I will howl like a wolf
so the white gazelle can flee the fire
and the hunter is scared.
The road and I will sleep
there, next to a cave, over the hill,
then rise at dawn and carry each other
asking: What next? Where are you taking me?
I see the fog, but I don’t see the road,
nor does it see me.
Have I arrived?
Or have I been separated from the road?
I asked myself, then said:
Now, from this distance,
a traveler like me
can look back!

Mahmoud Darwish

Summer time in Sweden & 9 weeks to go !

8611_10151657421418890_2076113745_nSummer in Sweden is the nicest time of the year in this country, so it is a little ironic that all students leave for travelling and going home since they made it through the ever-grey and dark Swedish winter and when it finally gets nice they leave.
I did that last year as well but this year I enjoy some parts of summer here and so far it has been really nice and full of interesting moments; some of them I’ll tell you about, some I’ll keep to myself after all this is a public blog and not a diary… 😉

I finished reading my book ( I wrote about it in my last post) and I have to say again it was really good. I found another expression in the book ,again by the main character’s grandma, which stayed in my mind; She said everyone’s life is like a carpet which is woven by hand with many different kind of strings. Some really rough and thick , some really thin or soft , some with dark colours, some with bright and warm colours. Everything what happens to you is woven into this carpet and everything is interwoven and does not fall apart as long as you go on.

I like to imagine different lives of people I met and myself, and how their and my carpet would look like. Maybe I will draw my carpet some day. I have spent a lot of time with doodling and drawing lately, I especially love to draw outside or with a coffee or glass of wine in my favourite café or next to Rickard while he works and we both listen to loud music.IMG_20130621_104445

Lately I tried even more than usual to really appreciate the small things in life and appreciate what I have since people tend to forget that nowadays and are only on the run for more and more….
I went inline skating and jumped afterwards in underwear in the ocean or jumped with full power in puddles even though wearing a white skirt, I had a great midsummer celebration, went climbing with a friend in Västra hamnen and still trying to learn Arabic 😛 and many more things…..  Just doing what you feel like right in the moments makes me enjoy that summer a lot. Also hanging with friends in different parks of Malmö, meeting for a drinks or coffee or spending regardless the cost half an hour on the phone with my best friend in Germany just because we felt like it right in that moment. I miss her a lot and look much forward to see her when I go to Germany!!!

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I love the evenings in Malmö or rather nights in the summer , when you get home late and the whole city is still awake , it never gets properly dark and you go to ‘yalla yalla’ to get a fallafel at 3.00 am and can still dance on the streets while eating without freezing. One should pay tribute to those kind of moments because in these moments you feel alive and isn’t that what life is all about?! I found some lyrics I really liked which I connect to this summer in Malmö and my love to Malmö and soon leaving for 5 month;

“Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The water’s warm and children swim
And we frolicked about in our summer skin I don’t recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labor day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin
On the night you left I came over
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart I couldn’t win
Cause the season’s change was a conduit
And we’d left our love in our summer skin”

At some point in the coming weeks we want to take the motorbike up to the border to Norway there is a nice big national park and hike for a couple of days since we have all the gear for hiking and we can fit all the stuff in the motorbike bags. I look much forward to it. Driving on a motorbike makes me feel alive a lot and having a tent and hiking gear and be able to then go when and where ever you want feels awesomely free.
Hiking last year far up north in the Swedish Lapland was a blast so I am sure even though this is a much shorter trip it will be great as well.
I loved driving on the motorbike with Jochen (for the people who don’t know; the ex-partner of my Mother) a lot , we would fly through the Röhn (an area in Germany) and I could forget all my worries spending time on his bike and his farm…. I miss him much and think often about him. It’s over a year know that he is gone. Time really flies….  I found a really nice quote which made me think of him for very long; 60758_358925450862082_2106642792_n

“A person should be buried only half a meter, or two feet, below the surface. Then a tree should be planted there. He should be buried in a coffin that decays so that when you plant a tree on top the tree will take something out of his substance and change it into tree-substance. When you visit the grave you don’t visit a dead man, you visit a living being who was just transformed into a tree. You say, “This is my grandfather, the tree is growing well, fantastic.” You can develop a beautiful forest that will be more beautiful than a normal forest because the trees will have their roots in graves.” – Friedensreich Hundertwasser

It is only 9 weeks until its time to go to Israel ! We finally booked our flights to Germany and Israel and now its certain that we gonna spend one day between Germany and Israel in the wonderful city of Istanbul and meet our friend there. It will be very interesting how the situation has turned out there by then….

We have also further thought about which neighbouring country we want to visit. Since I really want to travel around within Israel as well and after all we are “only” 5 month there and I have to work as well we only plan two other visits and then see how the rest goes; if we have  more time and money. For certain is that we will travel to Jordan since it is close and I really want to visit my friend living in Amman (he was my first friend I ever met in Sweden) and when it comes to getting a visa it is pretty ‘easy’ compared to some other countries in the middle east.
Apparently since the start of 2013 its now a normal procedure at the Ben Gurion airport in Tel Aviv to get the Isreali stamp on a extra paper and not in your passport which makes it then easier to enter other Arab countries. This was nice to find out because we thought it might be a hassle to avoid an Israeli stamp in our passports….

The second country we really would like to visit is……. Iran… ! Yes I know what you think … and probably we will not manage to get a visa anyway but we started to do some research about it and want to give it a try at least. There are agencies who help you for a very little fee to get a tourist visa. As a German and Swedish citizen it should not be impossible. We would maybe ask some friends who are interested in visiting Iran too if they would like to join us and then fly over Istanbul to Iran. You can imagine there is no such thing as flight from Israel to Iran.  We will see. It is not so likely that we succeed with this plan but lets see what my research, the contact with the agency and contacts to some embassies will tell me .
If Iran does not work we would probably take a little tour to Egypt since you can even do that by bus from Israel and visa issues are not to be expected either. Or to the ‘safe part’ ( there are three sectors when it comes to travel warnings green, yellow and red)  of Lebanon if we would get a visa.  It is very interesting doing all this info gathering about visas , where and how to travel in the middle east and what to do and what not to do , where to go and where not to go…..

Moving to Israeal will be different from everything I have experiences so far and I look much forward to it. Today I had a tour with google street view through the area where my internship office will be and it is really different to what I am used to in Germany or Sweden and it made me really curious , also scared me a bit but I think I will grow a lot with this challenge to live in a completely different environment than I did ever before…. but like one of my friends said :” I am very happy that you have your Swedish bodyguard with you ! ”  😉 ❤

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The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you kept shouting
their bad advice –though the whole house
began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried wits stiff fingers
at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible.
It was already late enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little, as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice which you slowly
recognized as your own, that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world, determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.”
― Mary Oliver

This poem by Mary Oliver has inspired me how to think about certain things you get confronted with in life. Mary Oliver is a wonderful author and I hope to read much more of her work to find inspiration for my way of thinking and approaching things. So much to the start of my blog…. More coming soon.